Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thirty more ways to annoy Voldemort

Note: You may find it funnier if you've read the books. Or not.
  1. Call him "Big V".
  2. Rub his head for luck.
  3. Say "Hey Voldy, you get that wand in a box of Cracker Jacks?"
  4. Tell him Salazar Slytherin was a squib.
  5. Plug a socket protector into his nostrils.
  6. Tell him you saw one of his horcruxes on eBay.
  7. Spill a pint of butterbeer in his lap.
  8. Tap him on the shoulder, then disapparate before he turns around. Repeat.
  9. Tell him he looks like Darth Vader without the helmet.
  10. Say "Hugh Hefner called -- he wants his bathrobe back."
  11. Give him the phone number for the Hair Club for Men.
  12. Tell him he's late for his embalming.
  13. Fill his pensieve with bleach.
  14. Use polyjuice potion to turn into him, then point at him and yell "IMPOSTOR!!!"
  15. Ask "Why don't you get yourself a nice Muggle girl and settle down?"
  16. Tell him he shows up on the Marauders Map as "Bald-Headed Putz".
  17. Sign him up for a Scientology course.
  18. Point to Nagini and say, "Nice snake. Overcompensate much?"
  19. Have Ricky Jay throw a playing card through his head.
  20. Tell him to go home and get his shine box.
  21. Say "Let me help you with your duffle bag. Oh, I'm sorry, that's just your ass."
  22. Ask him to pull a rabbit out of a hat.
  23. Stick his wand up your nose.
  24. While he's sleeping, put a rainbow wig on his head and cast a permanent sticking charm on it.
  25. Tell him the name Voldemort is French for "loser".
  26. Nail the hem of his robes to the floor, then say "Hey, isn't that Harry Potter across the street?"
  27. Pour Grenadine syrup in his firewhiskey.
  28. Cast Imperio on Wormtail and make him kick Voldemort in the shins.
  29. Hold up a crucifix and shout at him, "The power of Christ compels you!"
  30. Ask him if he's killed Harry Potter yet, then snicker.